How to beat your wife - a user guide

Examining the way men treat women in the Middle East is almost a clichéd popular sport. Other than football I love sport. So I introduce a film clip designed mainly for my male readers – though it might help my female viewers understand – explaining how to beat up your wife if she steps out of line.

This video shows that wife-beating is a form of ‘therapy’. A beating is ‘not an assault but discipline’. Understanding this it is difficult to dispute the right of a husband to give his spouse a decent beating- after all he is merely correcting a mistake and he does have the authority:

Quote: Sura 4:34 – ‘Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other...’.

This might sometimes be difficult to explain to some recalcitrant, little women. I mean ha, ha, ha if I told my wife that she was the ‘inferior’ and subject to my discipline, ha ha ha, she might convulse with laughter or target me with a saucepan. Is there a video explaining how to beat someone rolling on the floor with laughter! Can I throw the saucepan back?

The pain, embarrassment, divorce and legal costs might end up being mainly mine!

The female interviewer in the above-mentioned video points out to the gentleman justifying the right-to-beat logic (again, on the grounds that ‘Allah says that man has the best judgement’) that ‘women sometimes have better judgement’.

I like her spunk though she obviously needs to be corrected.

The other woman interviewing this gentleman had conducted a survey around the Middle East and came up with the hypothesis of the ‘culture of the electric cable’ that was valid for many civilisation centres - Palestine, Jordon, Kuwait, Egypt and Syria. The interesting multicultural hypothesis: Even men who didn’t know each other in these different centres all mystically gravitate to the practise of beating their wives with heavy electric cables.

Would it help these folks if they thought of Israel as a female country?

The gentleman in the video points out that only ‘light beatings’ (don’t leave a mark, don’t break bones, don’t kill) are permitted so the spunky female interviewer asks – ‘what is a light beating’ with an electric cable? The gentleman evades this one but does point out ‘With some women nothing helps except beatings… Let’s face it, women were created from a crooked rib’. Plausible, I have read it somewhere else I am sure.

In a follow-up video another gentleman asserts that beating wives is part of religious law – on how to ‘manage’ a wife ‘like an electric appliance’. The natural and scientific way of looking at marital relationships! I guess the electric appliance idea justifies use of an electric cable. That’ll teach ‘em.

If correct wife-beating practises could be spread internationally a cultural innovation would improve discipline among mothers and daughters on the basis of values that counteract Western decadence. Instead of treating child and wife-bashing as a social problem we could use the mother-of-all-electric-cord-mercies to promote misogyny as a social ideal.

Taliban values – primitive but devout - would direct us to a more civilised future! Death to Israel! Death to America! Flay that butt without killing her or breaking her skin.

And death to women who make us lose our namus.

As a postscript note from Feministing:

An Internet poll conducted by a local newspaper showed that 42% of married Saudi men say they do not have sexual problems. Meanwhile, 93% of married women surveyed said they were experiencing sexual problems.

Where’s the electric cord? What’s the matter with these ungrateful femmes?

Next week: Genital mutilation and more on honour killings. The way to eliminate 50% of the world's psycho-social problems.