Asymmetric libidos & the right to say no

I am interested in - though rather late in responding to - Bettina Arndt's view that a few year's after having children 'most' women don't particularly enjoy sex but that most men do.  Indeed the claim is that once a woman has a secure relationship her sex drive ebbs quickly. It is one of these 'most' statements that you would want to be careful with - Arndt cites some evidence. If Arndt's analysis is correct it has strong implications not only for marital life - I'll also begin to laugh less frequently at the jokes men tell - after they have had a few beers - about 'not getting enough'. It clearly isn't a joking matter!

Arndt's prescription for what she sees as an epidemic of mismatched libidos on gender lines? Well, ladies, although she sees the right to say 'no' as an important advance in the 'rights of women', Arndt believes that women should be more careful about exercising that right because of the destructive impacts on men.  Indeed, The Age makes the astoundingly perceptive observation on the basis of the Arndt analysis that a happy marriage requires sex! Who could ever of thought such a thing!

Some ugly feminist responses to the Arndt argument are presented here along with a selection of blog links that I didn't care for.  The gist seems to be that Bettina is advocating 'rape in marriage' and that men faced with a reluctant spouse should accept a monastic lifestyle or find other means of 'relief'. I guess they weren't thinking at all about alternative 'trade in' or 'update' options but I assume that more than a few men would. This would often turn out to be a regretted outcome for all involved.

AIDS-HIV & heterosexuals

For a long time heterosexuals have been told that they run significant risks of contracting HIV-AIDS if they have unprotected sex. Outside of Africa this claim is now seen to be false. Outside of Africa the main groups at risk from the disease are homosexuals, intravenous drug users and sex workers.

There will be no generalised AIDs epidemic among heterosexuals outside the African countries. AIDs still kills vast numbers of people - more than all wars and conflicts together - but expensive negative advertising campaigns directed at general populations are a waste of money.

African countries have high rates of AIDs for various reasons - low levels of male circumcision, high rates of genital herpes and high use of commercial sex workers.

Celibate soldiers?

I am stunned by the media interest in whether soldiers had sexual intercourse with a visiting female entertainer. It seems that she did not but even if she did who cares?

Why would such sexual intercourse be a 'scandal' even if it did occur? Are soldiers intended (or ordered) to remain celibate while on duty? Are women not permitted to select soldiers as sexual partners? The whole episode is a stunning non-event.

Update: In a separate incident an MP from Western Australia has become the 'lastest casuality in the state's political sleaze scandal'. His alleged offence - he invited a woman with whom he was apparently on friendly terms to join in a sexual threesome. He didn't do anything other than ask her. I am bewildered as to what the 'offence' here was.

Are 'threesomes' illegal in WA? Is it disrespectful of women to invite them to join in consensual sexual activity? Is the presumption that not only do women wish not to participate in sexual activities but that they also resent even being given the opportunity to do so?

A person cannot be made worse off if they can accept or costlessly decline any offer. They get choice. I can understand that offers can be put to people in terms that are offensive but then that should be the offence not the offer itself.

Australians are becoming very American in their attitudes - on the one hand many aspects of life are becoming sexualised via a media focus on sex and, at the same time, there is an underlying puritanism about sex in the media and the women's movement.

Eliot Spitzer had sex which he paid for

I am not surprised by the press's treatment of Eliot Spitzer. US and to a less extent Australian popular culture is an uneasy mix of puritanism and excessive sexualisation of the ordinary. Bill Clinton was a good US President but came close to being toppled because of he took advantage of a sexual opportunity that most men would accept with glee.

Natalie Angier in the NYT however gets it right:

'You can accuse the disgraced ex-governor Eliot Spitzer of many things in his decision to flout the law by soliciting the services of a pricey prostitute: hypocrisy, egomania, sophomoric impulsiveness and self-indulgence, delusional ineptitude and boneheadedness. But one trait decidedly not on display in Mr. Spitzer’s splashy act of whole-life catabolism was originality'.

In most animal species faithfulness is a fantasy. Apart from a flatworm, where male and females species are immutably fused together from adolescence, virtually no animal species displays 100% faithfulness. Moreover, prostitution is widespread throughout the animal kingdom with those seeking a mate paying more for more attractive selections that are made when the competition is keen.

Like humans, however, while other animals commit adultery widely they never seem to approve of it:

'Commonplace though adultery may be, and as avidly as animals engage in it when given the opportunity, nobody seems to approve of it in others, and humans are hardly the only species that will rise up in outrage against wantonness real or perceived. Most female baboons have lost half an ear here, a swatch of pelt there, to the jealous fury of their much larger and toothier mates'.

Functions of the female orgasm

I have been looking at the negative effects of anti-depressant drugs, such as Prozac, and the cynical role big pharmaceutical firms play in making consumption of these drugs so widespread. Eventually I will post on this material but probably won’t come up with much more substantive content than this excellent article in The New York Review of Books.

A subsequent letter to the NYRB examines the adverse effects of anti-depressants on sexual performance. As is well-known seratonin-enhancing antidepressants such as Prozac cause sexual dysfunction and restrict people’s ability to fall in love but I was struck by a description of the function of orgasm in women that was developed as part of this argument:

‘... female orgasm has many functions. Among them, it aids sperm retention and enables women to discriminate between self-centered as opposed to dedicated partners—partners who might be more likely to help them rear their young. Female orgasm may also help women choose men with better genes, as women are more orgasmic with men who are healthy and symmetrical, markers of good testosterone load. Female orgasm may also enhance feelings of attachment, because it stimulates the release of oxytocin and prolactin. As these drugs [the antidepressants] impair or eliminate female orgasm, they interfere with delicate biological mechanisms designed to aid mate choice and partner attachment....

In short, the sex drive operates in conjunction with many other neural systems that govern desire, mate choice, romantic love, and attachment, perhaps even mechanisms that detect facial attractiveness, immune system compatibility, and other neural systems we unconsciously use to mate, breed, and rear our young.....’

Of course men don’t get off without direct effects either when they consume anti-depressants – they reduce the capacity to court, inseminate and attach to a potential partner but the description of the function of a female orgasm – the way it sorts out caring males from non-carers - I had not seen before.

I am interested in factors which increase and decrease libido. Of course the snigger factor and a residual prudery towards the explicit examination of sexual matters provide obstacles to discussion.

Hot strippers earn big bucks

I found this fascinating. Geoffrey Miller’s theory is that women have lost their oestrus – any outward sign of fertility – to keep men faithful. Otherwise a man might go hunting for another mate when he knew his mate was infertile. But this should create an evolutionary arms race among men as men evolve ever-heightened sensitivity to signs of female fertility.

Miller tested his theory in lap-dancing clubs by examining the number of dollars female performers received for their dancing. During menstruation – when women were infertile – women earned about $185 per shift – about what they earned if they were on the pill. Women who were ovulating earned $335.

This suggests a woman is sexier when she is fertile and that lap dancers should stay off the pill if their main objective is to maximise their income. Earlier studies have shown that a woman’s face, smell and even clothing become more attractive during oestrus. Clothing looks more attractive to men when women are fertile.

But I still don’t know if women advertise their sexuality better when they are fertile or men have enhanced powers to pick up their fertility status.