Saturday, July 14, 2007

Harry goes to a demo

Wandering down Swanston St this morning I got caught up in a demonstration against the 'army invasion of the aboriginal concentration camps' that the 'greatest racist in the country, John Howard' is 'underfunding'. I got there just as a speaker from the 'Wellington Anarchist Collective' (!) had taken the stage from the 'Melbourne Gay and Lesbian Alliance'.

I learnt a lot about the 'racist destruction of the environment' from these national treasures - the 'conscience of the nation' as one modest, pimple-faced interpreter explained to me as some inarticulate aboriginals grabbed the microphone and screamed something about how racist and insensitive it was to walk across Uluru and how would I like it if they walked through St Paul's Cathedral? I inwardly agreed that I would prefer it if they all just took a swan dive (with one and a half twists) off the Prince's Bridge.

I was then handed a petition condemning government plans and told to sign. Rejecting this kind offer I told a furious young man that I thought the Federal intervention into aboriginal affairs was a good idea given that the NT government had done so little. Ominously, a group of red brigade-like terrorists surrounded me and explained, in a flow of consciousness narrative, how the racist, fascist, paternalistic, chemical weapons, drunk, stormtroopers who had violated Iraq and the environment were now raping the aboriginal homelands to advance the interests of mining companies, George Bush and the Liberal Party. The dominant male, who was leading the attack on me, suddenly grabbed a hairy-backed female supporter and said 'let's go and talk to others - let's not waste time with this racist'.

I wasn't quite sure specifically who they were referring to but I saw what they were getting at. But with witchetty-grub-like pains gnawing at my vitals I headed across Swanston St to the KFC to buy a 'two-piece feed'. At the entrance I was accosted by an Animal Liberation supporter who gave me a leaflet that showed how KFC de-beak and de-feather chickens. Deciding I really wasn't that hungry I headed off home.

Driving towards home I reflected on my own lack of political idealism and my thoroughly corrupted middle class values. I do, however, think that personal hygiene is an important issue if you are female and seek to wave bright red flags and flaunt hairy armpits for the Socialist Alliance. Giving the head hair an occasional spell under the shower will help get rid of the mites and increase the dissimilarity between your head and a sheep's rear end.

When is the next demo?


Sir Henry said...

Come on Harry, must this be a parody of every shock jock we ever heard? Are you channelling the late Stan Zemanek? He's hardly had a chance to get to know his new surroundings and you are already knocking on his door...

Anonymous said...

FuzzFlash sez...

I'm afraid that I too, Sir Henry Casingbroke, attain much joy from slipping the Raoul Merton into the Prof, strictly on ideological grounds mind you, but this time, my dear fellow, one has to give H. the benefit of the doubt, as he did indeed file "Harry goes to a demo" under "Humour".

HC: "Giving the head hair an occasional spell under the shower will help get rid of the mites and increase the dissimilarity between your head and a sheep's rear end.

Harry, maybe you could moonlight for a few extra readies with DemoBusters (cf.Reith Corrigan Group). Brown shirt, shiny leather boots, the whole bit. Wouldn't even have to get your hands dirty. Just toss a bar of soap into the throng and they'll disperse quicker than you can say:

"That one's got a Sim Card !".